Paranoia and Blank Filling – Hank Life Podcast – S01E05
On this episode of the Hank Life Podcast:
We’re all living in each other’s paranoia, at 14, I was living in Looney’s. Fear though fickle is influential. We can try to ignore it, but we can’t neglect it. It’s strangely always feels realistic.
At 14, I was filling blanks. The blank always get filled. It glares at us from the white page of our minds. A solitary deliberate, bottomless, little line. Just like fear we try to ignore it, but we can’t neglect it. That’s why we sedate. That why we binge. That why we settle. That’s why we swipe right, why we like and follow, it’s why we fear losing control.
By this time mom and dad had gotten back together. And we had moved into a small yellow house in Round Lake. I converted the small attic into a bed room. This room witnessed a lot. Sex. Drugs. Works of art. Sleepless nights. It was the only place I cried. The only place I felt safe.
She was a beautiful ghetto Tejana. Dark, bitchy, and mysterious. And she wore hoop earrings and loved depressing Rock music. Her name is Rachel. And she was my first love.
Once we all laid eyes on tem the response was instantaneous. Kings ran toward them screaming disses and throwing punches and kicks. They didn’t stand a chance. Honestly at the time, I enjoyed the feeling of releasing my aggression out on his flesh. When all four were laying on the ground in a bloody heap a strange calm settled on the street. It was like the world came back into focus. Like the quite stillness after a sudden summer down pour and the sky clears and sun beams. I still remember feeling euphoric. I couldn’t stop smiling.
I would retire to the school bathroom. Close myself in a stall. Smash a few pills up on the toilet paper dispenser with my school ID forming the powder into lines and I’d sniff those lines, yep straight to the head, like a Stratton Oakmont employee on national hug a hooker day
Bugsy handed me a bandanna wrapped small 22 caliber handgun we allied midnight.
Once the Facebook page gets to 100 likes Hank will do a photo shoot in the Tarzan outfit.
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